Found Plays

July 25th, 2013

Bye Bye Found Plays

Now that the Open Court festival is over, we’re no longer accepting Found Plays to this tumblr. it’s been a wonderful project and we’ll be leaving this site live so people can continue to stumble across your miniature plays.

Over the festival we had 258 submissions, far more than we ever expected.
Many thanks to everyone who has contributed their moving, funny, strange little snippets/spots/eavesdrops to the site over the past couple of months.

All the best,

The Royal Court team

July 22nd, 2013

Baby-mocha-chino

Found by Catriona Kerridge in a café.

A woman with a baby tied round her waste turned to a man surfing the Internet on hid Ipad.

Anya:  Is that a Kindle or an Ipad.

 

Simon:            Ipad.

 

Anya:              Can I be a bit blunt and ask you something?

 

Simon:            Sure.

 

Anya:              Do you recommend the Ipad for books or would you say the Kindle is better?

 

Simon:            I’d go for the Ipad you can go online, take nice photos.

 

Anya:              I just want something light-weight that I can read from.

 

Simon:            How olds your baby?

 

Anya:              Three weeks.

 

Simon:            Boy or girl?

 

Anya:              Girl. Can I ask you something.

 

Simon:            Sure.

 

Anya:              Are you a father?

 

Simon:            Yes. I have three kids all teenagers. All girls. Are you planning to have more?

 

Anya:              No. I can only cope with one. And it’s becoming fashionable to only have one. I couldn’t do it. I mean, I am sure you are very happy but I couldn’t put up with any more. Are you still married?

 

Simon:            Yes.

 

Anya:              Did you love your children?

 

Simon:            Yes.

 

Anya:              I don’t. I don’t love her.

 

Simon:            It’s quiet coman, you’ll grow in to it.

 

Anya:              How do you keep a strong marriage?

 

Simon:            You just you know – it’s hard but – well – we’ve had our ups and downs but then with the children – and – we just –

 

Anya:              He left me because of her.

 

Simon:            Right.

 

Anya:              He was a gentleman, I was with him for five years. Clever. We lived together.

 

Simon:            Must be hard alone.

 

Anya:              Told him I was pregnant and he turned in to a monster. He told me he’d ill himself if I didn’t abort the baby. He accused me of raping him of his genes.

 

Simon:            He doesn’t sound nice.

 

Anya:              Turns out he’s not.

 

Simon:            Are you dating?

 

Anya:              No. Not in to men anymore. Hard to trust them you know- and with her.

 

Simon:            I’m sure you’ll find someone.

 

Anya:              I just need someone for her to look up to. Who is a man you know. Don’t want her to be scared of men.

 

Simon:            That’s why we never sent our girls to a girls school.

 

Anya:              I have to go. But it was nice talking to you.

 

Simon:            Do you want my number?

 

Anya:              Yeah. Can you write it down my battery is dead.

 

Simon:            I’m Simon.

 

Anya:              I’m Anya.

 

Simon:            If you need to chat or ask me some questions just e-mail or call me.

 

Anya:              I will. I’ll probably ask you about local schools. Everyone keeps asking me where I will send her. She can’t even feed herself yet.

 

Simon:            Breast feeding?

 

Anya:              Yes.

 

Simon:            Anything at all. Just call me.

 

Anya:              I will. Hey maybe you’ll be the man in her life. And we’ll laugh about how we met.

 

Simon:            Maybe. 

Now Moving

Found by Hannah Wainwright

 

Are we seeing you tonight? Yes? yes! 

(To child) Say hello skander

Break

We had that with kaspian for a while

What did you do?

We had a way of trying to train them, you don’t pick them up

I remember once that…

(Interrupts)

Yeah but in theory if you do that over a couple of night

Yes but what is the point when they are only seven months

Did you say you were speaking to him in spanish

A few bits and bobs

There is a perfect phrase for that in french

Break

No, no definately not

No, but I actually need to talk to you

Do you want me to take the kids and you two can stay here?

Break

I can’t even remember who I recommended to you, I’m actually working with him again on a company and it will be based offshore and run by him

Break

I’m actually going to run to the market

Ciao ciao

Break

He is slimming down a little bit because he is now moving

July 18th, 2013

Birthday Party

Found by Jack Hardman

 

A man stands at the tube station. His phone rings.

 

MAN:

Hello?

listens

Well I’ve been on the tube, haven’t I? No signal in the tunnel. What…

listens

What!?

listens

But she was fine this morning, she…

listens

I know it can happen quickly! I just didn’t know that quickly! They said it would be a few more hours!

Listens

A taxi!? She did it in a taxi!? Couldn’t she have held on!?

Listens

All right, all right. You better not tell her I said that.

Listens

Of course I’m on the bloody way! What is it?

Listens

I know it’s human, you silly cow! I meant what sex, you haven’t told me that yet!

Listens

A girl. I have a daughter.

 

 

Jesus and the 12 Popes

Found by Hannah Young

A man and woman (not a couple) are standing in front of Rafal Zawistowski’s “Jesus Christ” and “12 Popes” in the Saatchi Gallery


V: That’s Jesus, with the halo?

E: Oh, yes, and so, 1,2,3,4…yes, there’s twelve, so that’s the disciples.

V: How many can you name?

E: Uh, not all of them…maybe…about five?

V: What, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Judas?

E: (laughs) Yeah, I guess.

V: Just the big hitters.

E: The ones who really made something of themselves.

V: Really, just five? Wow. Good to see your expensive education didn’t go to waste.

E: Well how many can you name, then?

V: I wasn’t expensively educated, was I?

E: But how many can you name? I mean, you were head chorister in the church choir.

V: I can name more than bloody five.

E: Bartholomew was one, wasn’t he?

V: Bartholomew?

E: Yeah, Bartholomew.

V: Saint Bartholomew?

E: Yeah, Saint Bartholomew. He was one, wasn’t he? So that’s six. Half isn’t bad, I don’t think.

V: Saint Bartholomew? Saint Barts? Saint fucking Barts? It’s an ISLAND. Do you think St Lucia was a disciple too? The little known female disciple?

E: Piss off. Which ones do you know then, come on?

V: OK. Simon. Two Simons actually because there was also “Simon who he called Peter”, Simon Peter.  Thomas, doubting Thomas. That’s three more. And James. Four more. Four more than you with your expensive edu….oh.

E: Oh what?

V: They’re not disciples. They’re popes. Look, it says “twelve popes”.

E: That explains the hats.

V: The hats?

E: Some of them are wearing mitres.

V: Do popes wear mitres? I thought bishops wore mitres?

E: Pope hats, then. Does it matter?

V: How many Popes can you name?

E: Do we have to do this? We’re not doing this.

V: No, come on. I’ve got two. Pope Jean-Paul II - oh, and so there must be a Pope Jean-Paul I, then yeah? And the one who abdicated, or whatever popes do. Benedict. That’s all I’ve got. I don’t even know the name of the current one.

E: Head chorister of the church choir and that’s all you’ve got?

V: It wasn’t a Catholic Church. I’m not Catholic.

E: There are bloody loads, though. Way more than twelve. Centuries worth. I don’t know any more though. (Pause). Shall we go for a drink?

Found by Charlotte Grosvenor walking home from school. 

Spotted. Bag of nine empty whisky bottles.


10 yo: What’s that mum ?


Mum: Empty whisky bottles.


10yo: Why have they been dumped there ?


Mum: Well, they might’ve been stolen and the thief might’ve syphoned them off into another, less obvious, bottle before dumping them.


10yo: Or it might be an alcoholic.


Mum: Yes. Maybe they were too ashamed to be seen putting them in the rubbish.


10yo: Weird.


Mum: Yep.

July 16th, 2013

1974

Found by Tess Humphrey in The Black Swan pub in York

 ‘I cried my eyes out the day Joni Mitchell died.  Beautiful girl, beautiful gold hair.  I said to Marvin, I said, “Life is going to change from now on”.  And it did.  World’s not been the same, Bob Dylan’s writing commercial music for ladies garments on TV, no-one cares anymore…  Beautiful voice, snuffed out so young.  Beautiful gold hair.  Nothing’s been the same since Joni Mitchell died.

Er, not Joni Mitchell.  Mama Cass.’

23 times

Found by Milly Thomas in a queue to pick up tickets at the Riverside Studios.

Two women ahead in the queue. Mid to late thirties. Woman 1 is blonde, animated and not making eye contact with Woman 2, gesticulating wildly with her iphone. Woman 2 is brunette and very very patient.

 

Woman 1: Yeah, so I hadn’t heard from him all day. So I rang him 23 times… 

 

Woman 2: Right…

 

Woman 1: In an hour. 

 

Woman 2’s face twitches.

 

Woman 2: …Riiiiiiight.

 

Woman 1: Yeah, so anyway he finally picked up. He said he was youtubing Priscilla Queen of the Desert. 

Love in an Alternate Dimension

Found by Eve Nicol.

As the sun came out for Glasgow's two days of summer, two 20-something gamers left their consoles to enjoy a pint outdoors and discuss their love lives.

 

AVIATOR: I had a wife - but I trapped her in an alternate dimension.


WAYFARER: Yeah?

 

AVIATOR: Then when I went and got her back from the other dimension, she divorced me. 

July 12th, 2013

What I’ve Seen

Outside Denmark Hill station, 6pm, Two men sitting on a low wall by the station exit, each drinking from a can of Tenants in the sun.

Man 1: I’ve seen so many dead bodies.

BloombergArts Council England